Every morning you wake up with someone you love, take a moment to be amazed they are there beside you, be grateful you are alive to bear witness to another day of living and loving another human, be fascinated by this person who was vulnerable enough to wake up beside you– be it one night or one thousand times one thousand nights– place your hands over each other on your heart and embrace this sweet present so many long for. And if one morning you awake and they are gone forever, miss them, but do not ache for them. ~ Just L (Goddess Wisdom, January 14, 2019)
On a pub / band crawl with friends in Vallarta, I enter the bar and have to squeeze by you as you were setting up your drums near the crowded entry door…
Wow, Kevin, You could not after two years, muster a simple, “Hello.”
Recall, I was ecstatic with my life in Oregon and having traveled/worked in 14 countries. You, Kevin, are the one who deliberately stopped the band – your band – two years ago to introduce yourself to me.
Two years later, I realize you are the dark one who requires another’s light to shine.
That makes me so sad. When I first met you, you were sparkly, with a wide smile and genuine heart. Between the two of us, we had the whole world. You broke my heart with the promise of your whole heart; all the while you deceived me.
I will never understand how one spends intimate moments, sharing deep love and vivid dreams, and yet can deny the spark that launched a thousand dreams ever happened. You must be really empty if you can spend two years loving a woman, accept every gift (not just ‘things’), and put on record that she is the angel you have been praying for, but cannot spare a second to acknowledge her. That is a sad commentary on your soul. I pray you find your way back to the musical magic that originally jumpstarted your heart.
The fact you could not acknowledge the woman you loved, the one who believed in you so much, she sacrificed her own work-life to help you realize your dreams. The positive-energy woman who led her life out loud with so much enthusiasm for living and love for you that her son and daughter-in-love carved out a special place for you at their wedding table. The faithful woman who regularly made her way across the miles to you and waited for you while you went through the Visa process. The understanding band widow. The one who kept the home fires burning hot so you could fall gently into the quiet retreat of solitude.
You greedily took it all, all the while knowing you would never be able to keep your promises. As there were others who were also this woman.
This is why I left you.
This is certainly why you have lost your manners, and your voice.
The rest will simply be the rest…
~ Just L (January 12, 2019)
Author’s Note: I write poems of love and loss. This is neither of those.
Did he deceive me from the beginning? I will never know. What I do know is the rest of my life will be as fabulous as before he entered it. As for him, all I know for sure is that lack of integrity has a way of making one miserable.
I want someone who holds my hand as tightly as they hold my heart;
And misses me desperately when we are apart.
I want someone who adores their life and family
And embraces every moment honestly.
I want someone who is silly and can laugh;
And yet willing to fight on my behalf.
I want someone who fearlessly lives with integrity;
And is open to forge a shared destiny.
I want someone who finds joy in the present;
And one whose soul is luminescent.
I want someone who wants to grow old with me
Without ever growing old, you see.
~ Just L (December 31, 2018)
Author’s Note: I want more.
This year went sideways
Yet I’ve never felt straighter
Survived the mistake of my life
And outshined the haters
I put off worthy suitors
Accumulated abdominal fat
Ignoring my stress levels
For one who was not all that
A talented musician
But a mediocre lover
His ‘sweet’ disposition
An intricate cover
Thrilled I’m not entangled
For a lifetime with this mess
Or have to depend on him
For anything serious
Blinded by early sparks
Red flags I ignored
Committing for too long
To one to be deplored
I entrusted my soul
To an unworthy man
Killing me softly with his song
When I should’ve ran
As 2018 comes to an end
I am so happy it’s over
Not to be entangled for life
With this free loader
~ Just L (December 22, 2018)
Author’s Note: They say the love of your life often comes after the mistake of your life. Here’s to 2019!
When they go low, we go high. – Michelle Obama
Listen to this motivational speech: 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t Hate The Haters
I was recently accused of chasing boys that are half my age and out of my league, and portraying a lifestyle on social media that I really cannot afford. It is true that I have married and dated men on average 15 years younger than me. I’ve never had to chase a man. I regularly attract similarly young at heart, spirited, attractive, professional individuals. As far as my lifestyle, I graduated from two prestigious universities with two children in tow, and I am fortunate to have honed my professional craft over 30 years and make a good living. I have bought and paid for everything I have. As far as my “life style,” I tend to collect memories and not things. Lately it seems my picker is broken as I was fooled by a man who pretended to be a “good guy” yet ended up being an individual of low character with no moral compass. Unfortunately, his “younger, fitter, superior” girlfriend whom he was cheating on, but I never knew about, and certainly have never met, considers it is fair game to hate on me and victimize me further. Perhaps, she’d consider asking him to return his drums and equipment I purchased and he uses to make his living. *wink*
Selah. Moving on.
As we enter 2019, and become resolute about new things, it is a good time to revisit this gorgeous piece:
When a fairly spiritual male friend of mine who had finally found and was deepening into committed relationship with his soul mate confided in me he was thinking of being single again, and in the next breath expressed his latest idea for raising consciousness worldwide, I wrote this poem.
If you want to change the world… love a woman-really love her.
Find the one who calls to your soul, who doesn’t make sense.
Throw away your check list and put your ear to her heart and listen.
Hear the names, the prayers, the songs of every living thing-
every winged one, every furry and scaled one,
every underground and underwater one, every green and flowering one,
every not yet born and dying one…
Hear their melancholy praises back to the One who gave them life.
If you haven’t heard your own name yet, you haven’t listened long enough.
If your eyes aren’t filled with tears, if you aren’t bowing at her feet,
you haven’t ever grieved having almost lost her.
If you want to change the world… love a woman-one woman
beyond yourself, beyond desire and reason,
beyond your male preferences for youth, beauty and variety
and all your superficial concepts of freedom.
We have given ourselves so many choices
we have forgotten that true liberation
comes from standing in the middle of the soul’s fire
and burning through our resistance to Love.
There is only one Goddess.
Look into Her eyes and see-really see
if she is the one to bring the axe to your head.
If not, walk away. Right now.
Don’t waste time “trying.”
Know that your decision has nothing to do with her
because ultimately it’s not with who,
but when we choose to surrender.
If you want to change the world… love a woman.
Love her for life-beyond your fear of death,
beyond your fear of being manipulated
by the Mother inside your head.
Don’t tell her you’re willing to die for her.
Say you’re willing to LIVE with her,
plant trees with her and watch them grow.
Be her hero by telling her how beautiful she is in her vulnerable majesty,
by helping her to remember every day that she IS Goddess
through your adoration and devotion.
If you want to change the world… love a woman
in all her faces, through all her seasons
and she will heal you of your schizophrenia-
your double-mindedness and half-heartedness
which keeps your Spirit and body separate-
which keeps you alone and always looking outside your Self
for something to make your life worth living.
There will always be another woman.
Soon the new shiny one will become the old dull one
and you’ll grow restless again, trading in women like cars,
trading in the Goddess for the latest object of your desire.
Man doesn’t need any more choices.
What man needs is Woman, the Way of the Feminine,
of Patience and Compassion, non-seeking, non-doing,
of breathing in one place and sinking deep intertwining roots
strong enough to hold the Earth together
while she shakes off the cement and steel from her skin.
If you want to change the world… love a woman, just one woman .
Love and protect her as if she is the last holy vessel.
Love her through her fear of abandonment
which she has been holding for all of humanity.
No, the wound is not hers to heal alone.
No, she is not weak in her codependence.
If you want to change the world… love a woman
all the way through
until she believes you,
until her instincts, her visions, her voice, her art, her passion,
her wildness have returned to her-
until she is a force of love more powerful
than all the political media demons who seek to devalue and destroy her.
If you want to change the world,
lay down your causes, your guns and protest signs.
Lay down your inner war, your righteous anger
and love a woman…
beyond all of your striving for greatness,
beyond your tenacious quest for enlightenment.
The holy grail stands before you
if you would only take her in your arms
and let go of searching for something beyond this intimacy.
What if peace is a dream which can only be remembered
through the heart of Woman?
What if a man’s love for Woman, the Way of the Feminine
is the key to opening Her heart?
If you want to change the world…love a woman
to the depths of your shadow,
to the highest reaches of your Being,
back to the Garden where you first met her,
to the gateway of the rainbow realm
where you walk through together as Light as One,
to the point of no return,
to the ends and the beginning of a new Earth.
By Lisa Citore (2008)
See Lisa’s other poetry here.
I awake, feel behind me
To find you’re not there
You are closing the curtains
To block out the sun’s glare
“I have to pee”
A morning ritual
Pat your naked booty
So simple and natural
I smell your pillow
A smile crosses my face
Cloves and guava root
You fill the whole place
I close my eyes
Note your shadow above
I know what comes next
First we fork
Then we spoon
Entangled in blankets
Until well after noon
Your arm around me
Holding me tight
I scoot a lil’ closer
The world is just right.
~ Just L (December 6, 2018)