I Didn’t Even Suck In My Stomach

I saw you on the street
In passing, We embraced
“Hi Sweetheart”…
You introduced me to your “friend”
Beautiful like a tiny painting
With a limp dishrag handshake.

I greeted you full, squarely on
With my usual over-the-top energy
“So great to see you; and meet you”
I didn’t even suck in my stomach
I don’t need your approval,
Or heartache.

~ Just L (February 5, 2019)

When You See Someone You Used To Love And They Are A Stranger

On a pub / band crawl with friends in Vallarta, I enter the bar and have to squeeze by you as you were setting up your drums near the crowded entry door…

Wow, Kevin, You could not after two years, muster a simple, “Hello.”

Recall, I was ecstatic with my life in Oregon and having traveled/worked in 14 countries. You, Kevin, are the one who deliberately stopped the band – your band – two years ago to introduce yourself to me.

Two years later, I realize you are the dark one who requires another’s light to shine.

That makes me so sad. When I first met you, you were sparkly, with a wide smile and genuine heart. Between the two of us, we had the whole world. You broke my heart with the promise of your whole heart; all the while you deceived me.

I will never understand how one spends intimate moments, sharing deep love and vivid dreams, and yet can deny the spark that launched a thousand dreams ever happened. You must be really empty if you can spend two years loving a woman, accept every gift (not just ‘things’), and put on record that she is the angel you have been praying for, but cannot spare a second to acknowledge her. That is a sad commentary on your soul. I pray you find your way back to the musical magic that originally jumpstarted your heart.

The fact you could not acknowledge the woman you loved, the one who believed in you so much, she sacrificed her own work-life to help you realize your dreams. The positive-energy woman who led her life out loud with so much enthusiasm for living and love for you that her son and daughter-in-love carved out a special place for you at their wedding table. The faithful woman who regularly made her way across the miles to you and waited for you while you went through the Visa process. The understanding band widow. The one who kept the home fires burning hot so you could fall gently into the quiet retreat of solitude.

You greedily took it all, all the while knowing you would never be able to keep your promises. As there were others who were also this woman.

This is why I left you.

This is certainly why you have lost your manners, and your voice.

The rest will simply be the rest…

~ Just L (January 12, 2019)

Author’s Note: I write poems of love and loss. This is neither of those.

Did he deceive me from the beginning? I will never know. What I do know is the rest of my life will be as fabulous as before he entered it. As for him, all I know for sure is that lack of integrity has a way of making one miserable.

This Year Went Sideways

This year went sideways
Yet I’ve never felt straighter
Survived the mistake of my life
And outshined the haters

I put off worthy suitors
Accumulated abdominal fat
Ignoring my stress levels
For one who was not all that

A talented musician
But a mediocre lover
His ‘sweet’ disposition
An intricate cover

Thrilled I’m not entangled
For a lifetime with this mess
Or have to depend on him
For anything serious

Blinded by early sparks
Red flags I ignored
Committing for too long
To one to be deplored

I entrusted my soul
To an unworthy man
Killing me softly with his song
When I should’ve ran

As 2018 comes to an end
I am so happy it’s over
Not to be entangled for life
With this free loader

~ Just L (December 22, 2018)

Author’s Note: They say the love of your life often comes after the mistake of your life. Here’s to 2019!

Why Do Some People Attract So Many Mosquitoes?

It’s not a competition
But if it is, I’ve won
I am living the dream
And it’s only just begun

I’ve been used and betrayed
And poked in the eye
I confidently fix my crown
My head and my heels high

I smell like cotton candy
My skin is just as sweet
Small minds want a taste
Their otherwise incomplete

Mocked, misunderstood
For my great happiness
Pests cannot lift up others
Cannot comprehend this

My fairy tale was burst long ago
It seems overrated and overdone
I’ve had lovers in 14 countries
Though I’d settle for a lifetime with the right one

I’m attracted to sparkly humans
The kind and the generous in spirit
Pure intentions with a moral compass
And someone who’s a bit satiric

Give me one who is well-rounded
Equal parts naughty and nice
Some PDA? Yes please…
Don’t have to ask me twice!

Beaches, fireworks, roller coasters
Concerts, travel, wine and food
Or snuggles by a crackling fire
Gets me in the mood

Oh, I’ve been loved and hated
By men, but mostly women
Jealousy is a terrible disease
Glad I haven’t been bitten

I adore my female friends
We lift each other up
And slather on insect repellent
Sharing life lessons and makeup

My heart remains soft
Much like my well-chosen words
Honestly, I curse a little (or a lot)
But hate and bigotry is never deserved

I’ll age like fine wine
As I have no bitter roots
Beauty and old are not mutually exclusive
Occasionally I rock thigh-high boots

I have done my time in an office
Traded the boardroom to become a Goddess
Overcame challenges, too many me, toos
What, you expect me to be modest?!

I don’t care what others think
My character and integrity are gold
I’ve worked in war-torn countries
Like a lioness I am bold

My adult children are my heart
They are better versions of me
My parents are shining examples
How good a life lived well can be

It’s not a competition
But if it is, I’ve won
I live my life out loud
Because at 55, it’s just begun!

~Just L (December 4, 2018)

Author’s Note: A little love and silliness — the best antidote for pests!

A Spiritual Cleansing

My threshold was honored with a Shaman

Clearing the air with white sage and prayer

Thousands of years of spiritual union and ritual

Affirming my place in the universe and my lesson.

 

The Great Spirit said:

 

Ridiculous as the Pharisees praying in the square

Stay clear of those full of themselves, yet empty

Let not fireworks or betrayal make a fool of you

Stay true to the sacred way; ignore false piety.

 

You say the sky is blue; they say it’s not

Not being true causes harm

Reading between the gaslight lines

Sickness is not an ailment, it’s an alarm!

 

Taken for granted reflects on the ungrateful

One who awakens love with pure intention

Never cajoles, connives, lies, cheats, or steals

You deserve one’s full attention.

 

Your heart eternally embraces love

Once purpose served; numbered days

Stand firm in your beliefs,

Those without a moral compass will run away.

 

Smudging changes the ions in the air

It doesn’t matter Cherokee or Christian

My ancestors are shining

Reminding me of who I am.

 

I am already feeling freer

Truth’s light pushes out darkness every time

Testing their values match their actions

I’m am open to someone with a new story line.

 

~ Just L (December 1, 2018)

Where Two Rivers Meet the Sea

Tropical flowers are red,
The sky is blue,
The sun is hot,
And so are you.

Water taxis are white,
Yachts are rare,
The water is shiny
And so is your hair.

Roosters crow,
Chickens lay eggs,
Force is strong,
And so are your legs.

Mountains reach,
Up to the skies,
The sand is sparkly,
And so are your eyes.

Iguanas in hedges,
Mean no harm,
Arrival is safe,
And so are your arms.

Locals are pretty,
Guests have style,
My party is winning,
And so is your smile.

Two rivers meet the sea
In southern Jalisco
The Bay is beautiful,
Just like you.

~ Just L (November 29, 2018)

yelapa 2

Author’s Note: Yelapa, Mexico. Yelapa means where two rivers meet the sea.