All For You

All For You

I dreamed of you. I looked for you. I stopped seeking you. I saw you. I walked up to you. I talked to you. I thought about you. I was hexed by you. I text you. I met up with you. I ate with you. I kissed you. I spent days with you. I danced with you. I fancied you. I watched you. I wooed you.  I was amazed by you. I was slayed by you. I said good bye to you. I believed in you. I made videos for you. I invited you. I welcomed you. I introduced you. I walked with you. I have cooked for you. I sang to you. I called you. I crawled beside you. I asked you. I basked in you. I loved you. I made love to you. I unraveled you. I traveled with you. I slept with you. I wept for you. I want you. I waited for you. I was made for you.

~ Just L (July 1, 2018)

Author’s Note: I believed you would be the best to be… for the rest of my life. Even after all of this time.

Doing Less. Becoming More.

My resolutions have been revised to reflect what i find absolutely necessary to cultivate in 2017…

Soft heart
Silky skin
Touchable hair
Kissable lips
Kind actions
Gentle speech
Fiery soul
Shiny eyes
Deep breath
Open mind
Light touch
Healthy desire
Grateful being
Sweet disposition
Delicious curiosity
Exquisite scent
Common sense
Extraordinary sense of adventure
Hard ass

~Just L (January 21, 2017)


My Christmas Wish List – 2016

My Christmas Wish List:
1. Someone who thinks slow dancing is sexy
2. Socks – cashmere, boot and fuzzy
3. Someone who is mature but I can be childish with
4. Leather gloves in every color
5. Someone who wants to fill my heart with adventure
6. A turntable and vinyl records
7. Someone who loves as deep and wide as I do
8. Scented candles
9. Someone who believes intimacy begins with the brain
10. Cashmere sweaters
11. Someone who likes to grab my butt A LOT
12. A giant lump of coal *wink*

~Just L (November 27, 2016)

Published in the December 2016 Blender of Love Digest.

Love Handles

In this high tech world, I treasure these tangibles:

Books gifted or exchanged
Event wristbands or as proof of age

Greeting cards mailed for no occasion
Rocks collected from destinations

Photos on the fridge, captured memories
Ticket stubs to music, sports, or movies

Concert tees from a few favorites
Handwritten love letters in pockets

Maps of places dared
Menus of meals shared

Sticky notes on the mirror for no reason
Wine corks etched with dates to mark a season

VIP passes backstage with the band
Receipts no one else will understand

But you.

~Just L (May 4, 2016)

A Memoir This Does Not Make, But It Tells a Tale

NaPoWriMo Day 29: Poet and artist Joe Brainard is probably best remembers for his book-length poem/memoir, I Remember. The book consists of a series of statements, all beginning with the phrase “I remember.” 

I remember…

  1. “Here she comes, here she comes, oh she slipped back in,” as her 8-year-old brother greeted his baby sister into the world.
  2. Believing that having a signature perfume scent, a Volvo station wagon, and a California bungalow of my own meant I was “grown up.”
  3. That the women I most admired growing up were my mother and aunts, and that while I thought they were the most sophisticated women in the world, they were barely 30.
  4. Rolling the Toyota Forerunner over twice on black ice in very slow motion. One passenger screaming bloody murder and my two children quiet as mice.
  5. After reading a poem that my son wrote for me instead of the “Dear John” letter he was likely instructed to write from Iraq, I could have died happy right that moment.
  6. Feeling incredibly angry upon being betrayed by someone whom I had committed my life to, and how every once in a while that anger still stings nearly a decade later. And surprisingly it wasn’t a boyfriend or husband who cut me that deeply.
  7. One summer day riding the Honda 350 into the foothills of California with my dad, the wind in my hair, my arms wrapped around his waist, and stopping to get an ice cream cone feeling like the best day ever.
  8. Lying on the floor of the urgent care puking my guts out, my migraine headache pain level off the chart for the nth day in a row, a blanket over my head to block out the light, crying babies piercing my skull, and not caring what I looked like at all.
  9. Realizing that there was nothing I liked better than the smell of my boyfriend on my hands and clothes. It had nothing to do with cologne, and I hoped I would still smell this and smile in years to come.
  10. Being at a wedding when my son was nearly three months old, and I not yet 19, and the exact words that were spoken to me by this man before he hit me that spurred me to leave him forever and get my Bachelor’s and Master’s degree.
  11. My parents always let us play in the fire when camping. Many a burnt stick used for sky writing, flaming marshmallows, and many melted Adidas shoes later, I am surprised they still allowed it.
  12. The day I looked at my journals I had kept since fifth grade and thinking to myself, “Oh my God, I have to burn these… I can never allow my children to read the contents!”
  13. Being pregnant with my daughter and walking through the talking trees on the UCSD campus high above the ocean, and feeling the most incredible peace and joy in that moment.
  14. Looking into a coyote’s eyes in the canyon and feeling for certain he was going to steal my soul.
  15. The last time my adult daughter slept in my bed, and how lucky I felt that we can share our hearts as women, and yet how her face still looks exactly like my little girl.

 ~Just L (April 29, 2016)

 I decided to write down 15 memories in less than 15 minutes. No editing, no overthinking. Interesting what stays with us.