Could Have Been A Legend

What if we were meant to be forever after
In spite of the story to date
In separate bedrooms, down the street filled with laughter

Perhaps our match Doula knew us deeper
Watched you for a full year before our introduction
Knowing full well you were a keeper

What if we split too soon due to a breakdown in communication
Our egos and preconceived ideas erecting an insurmountable wall
Misreading what was between us really goin’ on

Recall my dearest love you were vetted for a year
You fit me in every way and in my family with ease
Everyone we knew found us sparkly, trustworthy and dear

Our paths crossed long before we were introduced across the bar
Given all of the R&D, no wonder we felt mutually drawn
Six weeks later I exclaimed my love under NYE stars

Never a fight or unkind word until I experienced my most abnormal
I lashed out, and was angry for something misinterpreted
And a medical emergency beyond my control

You vowed you would never leave a love in sickness
After all, the one who broke your heart did just that
Then you cut me off as you could not go the distance

I freaked the f* out as this was not how I imagined
We were, after all the love, over in an instant
One more conversation, we could have been a legend.

~Just L (re-post 3 years and 5 month after our breakup, July 10, 2019)

Exception Proves The Rule

What if I were to sit next to you
Would you want to kiss me?
Let it be easy
Instead of playing cool —

What if our togetherness was fated
From the beginning?
We didn’t fear leaning in
Finding our differences miniscule –-

What if everything since
Was a holding place?
To make us better face-to-face
A long distance relationship school –-

What if we (’ve) matured
Fully trusting each other?
Drop the ego cover
F* the few who are cruel —

What if you were assured
We would do the distance?
Could you drop your resistance
Dare to be the happiest fool —

What if you lived your words,
“Lasting relationships take work”?
Too many throw in the towel *smirk*
Newer (read: don’t know the real you) is not life’s jewel —

What if we embraced togetherness
Safe inside a fortress wall?
Imagine a love overhaul
True happiness, no one dare ridicule —

What if we retained our space
Two wings in the same castle?
Fully entwined without the hassle
Separated by miles, rooms or a pool —

What if we found the balance
‘tween intimacy and independence?
Questioning everything since
That other band from Liverpool —

What if you assume the worst
Put defeat before the horse?
And let it take its course
I’d challenge you to a duel —

What if the world applauded us
Dare to be true to our heart
Or embarrassed by the time apart?
When did you follow the rules?

If you were to sit next to me
I would need to kiss you
It’s nothing new
I don’t know how to be cool.

~ Just L (July 10, 2019)

Author’s Note: Listen to “Sit Next To Me” by Foster The People

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKLVpDTZOPQ

Love Signs

You are cool as a cucumber
Until Aries enters the house
Warming your starchy skin
in a pair of worn Levi Strauss

I love freedom and risk
You landlocked by protocol
Exhilarating, tender,
a contradictory coupling, we helplessly fall

First child’s flame singes virgin wings
Ever challenging your M.O.
Too easy when your taste for the exotic
is Jicama, aka the Mexican potato

Craving each other with every fiber
Our attraction feels so fated
Impossible to resist the razor’s edge
between being loved and hated

~ Just L (July 8, 2019)

We Made A Match

We made a match
Had a short chat
He’s smart, stylish
And has a cat.

Cool and confident
Know I’m a catch
I put myself online
Set to be attached.

“Meet up tonight?”
Finding myself in his hood
Shared backstories and kisses
This is too good.

My heart receptive
Spirit strong and light
Breathing in the moment
Aware of fight or flight.

Open and kind
Articulate, creative
And, I kinda like him
He, too, feel the weight of?

~Just L (May 19, 2019)

Author’s Note: Simply tracking the subtle opening and closing of my heart after initiating a connection. Is the Universe conspiring to accelerate gravity? Naaah, it won’t last.

Dignity ˈdignitē/ noun

Dignity
/ˈdignitē/ noun

1. The moment you realize that the person you cared for has nothing intellectually or spiritually to offer you, but a headache.

2. The moment you realize God had greater plans for you that don’t involve crying at night or sad.

3. The moment you stop comparing yourself to others because it undermines your worth, education and your parent’s wisdom.

4. The moment you live your dreams, not because of what it will prove or get you, but because that is all you want to do. People’s opinions don’t matter.

5. The moment you realize that no one is your enemy, except yourself.

6. The moment you realize that you can have everything you want in life. However, it takes timing, the right heart, the right actions, the right passion and a willingness to risk it all. If it is not yours, it is because you really didn’t want it, need it or God prevented it.

7. The moment you realize the ghost of your ancestors stood between you and the person you loved. They really don’t want you mucking up the family line with someone that acts anything less than honorable.

8. The moment you realize that happiness was never about getting a person. They are only a helpmate towards achieving your life mission.

9. The moment you believe that love is not about losing or winning. It is just a few moments in time, followed by an eternity of situations to grow from.

10. The moment you realize that you were always the right person. Only ignorant people walk away from greatness.

~Shannon L. Alder

You Didn’t See Me

When I saw you
I thought
Could we
Make a life
Together, Happily
We laughed
Shared the same heart
Missed each other
When apart
Not thinking
Our lips met
Reluctantly parting
And yet
I think
You didn’t see me.

~Just L (January 22, 2019)

Never Settle

Too many women I know have stood or prayerfully waited for too long, thinking that they are doing the right thing, the good thing, even the God thing: NEVER SETTLE for anything less than extraordinary. If you are not in a relationship where EVERY DAY you feel loved, ADORED, cherished, and that it is made abundantly clear by his actions that you are the best thing ever to happen to him, imperfectly perfect yet perfectly suited, a blessing, BEAUTIFUL, sexy, appreciated, AMAZING, full, sated… depending on the circumstances, fix it right now, or ruuuuun. Don’t look back at your life, your journals, the signs… and say, “OMG, I should have never accepted that and/or left that three years earlier!” Let us instead pray dangerously —wantonly, lustily, passionately— let us demand with every ounce of our strength, FREEDOM!

~ Just L (Goddess Wisdom, a re-post from January 19, 2012)

Miss Them, But Do Not Ache For Them

Every morning you wake up with someone you love, take a moment to be amazed they are there beside you, be grateful you are alive to bear witness to another day of living and loving another human, be fascinated by this person who was vulnerable enough to wake up beside you– be it one night or one thousand times one thousand nights– place your hands over each other on your heart and embrace this sweet present so many long for. And if one morning you awake and they are gone forever, miss them, but do not ache for them.

~ Just L (Goddess Wisdom, January 14, 2019)

When You See Someone You Used To Love And They Are A Stranger

On a pub / band crawl with friends in Vallarta, I enter the bar and have to squeeze by you as you were setting up your drums near the crowded entry door…

Wow, Kevin, You could not after two years, muster a simple, “Hello.”

Recall, I was ecstatic with my life in Oregon and having traveled/worked in 14 countries. You, Kevin, are the one who deliberately stopped the band – your band – two years ago to introduce yourself to me.

Two years later, I realize you are the dark one who requires another’s light to shine.

That makes me so sad. When I first met you, you were sparkly, with a wide smile and genuine heart. Between the two of us, we had the whole world. You broke my heart with the promise of your whole heart; all the while you deceived me.

I will never understand how one spends intimate moments, sharing deep love and vivid dreams, and yet can deny the spark that launched a thousand dreams ever happened. You must be really empty if you can spend two years loving a woman, accept every gift (not just ‘things’), and put on record that she is the angel you have been praying for, but cannot spare a second to acknowledge her. That is a sad commentary on your soul. I pray you find your way back to the musical magic that originally jumpstarted your heart.

The fact you could not acknowledge the woman you loved, the one who believed in you so much, she sacrificed her own work-life to help you realize your dreams. The positive-energy woman who led her life out loud with so much enthusiasm for living and love for you that her son and daughter-in-love carved out a special place for you at their wedding table. The faithful woman who regularly made her way across the miles to you and waited for you while you went through the Visa process. The understanding band widow. The one who kept the home fires burning hot so you could fall gently into the quiet retreat of solitude.

You greedily took it all, all the while knowing you would never be able to keep your promises. As there were others who were also this woman.

This is why I left you.

This is certainly why you have lost your manners, and your voice.

The rest will simply be the rest…

~ Just L (January 12, 2019)

Author’s Note: I write poems of love and loss. This is neither of those.

Did he deceive me from the beginning? I will never know. What I do know is the rest of my life will be as fabulous as before he entered it. As for him, all I know for sure is that lack of integrity has a way of making one miserable.

In 2019, I Want Someone

In 2019,

I want someone who holds my hand as tightly as they hold my heart;
And misses me desperately when we are apart.

I want someone who adores their life and family
And embraces every moment honestly.

I want someone who is silly and can laugh;
And yet willing to fight on my behalf.

I want someone who fearlessly lives with integrity;
And is open to forge a shared destiny.

I want someone who finds joy in the present;
And one whose soul is luminescent.

I want someone who wants to grow old with me
Without ever growing old, you see.

~ Just L (December 31, 2018)

Author’s Note: I want more.

love travel