Could Have Been A Legend

What if we were meant to be forever after
In spite of the story to date
In separate bedrooms, down the street filled with laughter

Perhaps our match Doula knew us deeper
Watched you for a full year before our introduction
Knowing full well you were a keeper

What if we split too soon due to a breakdown in communication
Our egos and preconceived ideas erecting an insurmountable wall
Misreading what was between us really goin’ on

Recall my dearest love you were vetted for a year
You fit me in every way and in my family with ease
Everyone we knew found us sparkly, trustworthy and dear

Our paths crossed long before we were introduced across the bar
Given all of the R&D, no wonder we felt mutually drawn
Six weeks later I exclaimed my love under NYE stars

Never a fight or unkind word until I experienced my most abnormal
I lashed out, and was angry for something misinterpreted
And a medical emergency beyond my control

You vowed you would never leave a love in sickness
After all, the one who broke your heart did just that
Then you cut me off as you could not go the distance

I freaked the f* out as this was not how I imagined
We were, after all the love, over in an instant
One more conversation, we could have been a legend.

~Just L (re-post 3 years and 5 month after our breakup, July 10, 2019)

Exception Proves The Rule

What if I were to sit next to you
Would you want to kiss me?
Let it be easy
Instead of playing cool —

What if our togetherness was fated
From the beginning?
We didn’t fear leaning in
Finding our differences miniscule –-

What if everything since
Was a holding place?
To make us better face-to-face
A long distance relationship school –-

What if we (’ve) matured
Fully trusting each other?
Drop the ego cover
F* the few who are cruel —

What if you were assured
We would do the distance?
Could you drop your resistance
Dare to be the happiest fool —

What if you lived your words,
“Lasting relationships take work”?
Too many throw in the towel *smirk*
Newer (read: don’t know the real you) is not life’s jewel —

What if we embraced togetherness
Safe inside a fortress wall?
Imagine a love overhaul
True happiness, no one dare ridicule —

What if we retained our space
Two wings in the same castle?
Fully entwined without the hassle
Separated by miles, rooms or a pool —

What if we found the balance
‘tween intimacy and independence?
Questioning everything since
That other band from Liverpool —

What if you assume the worst
Put defeat before the horse?
And let it take its course
I’d challenge you to a duel —

What if the world applauded us
Dare to be true to our heart
Or embarrassed by the time apart?
When did you follow the rules?

If you were to sit next to me
I would need to kiss you
It’s nothing new
I don’t know how to be cool.

~ Just L (July 10, 2019)

Author’s Note: Listen to “Sit Next To Me” by Foster The People

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKLVpDTZOPQ

Love Signs

You are cool as a cucumber
Until Aries enters the house
Warming your starchy skin
in a pair of worn Levi Strauss

I love freedom and risk
You landlocked by protocol
Exhilarating, tender,
a contradictory coupling, we helplessly fall

First child’s flame singes virgin wings
Ever challenging your M.O.
Too easy when your taste for the exotic
is Jicama, aka the Mexican potato

Craving each other with every fiber
Our attraction feels so fated
Impossible to resist the razor’s edge
between being loved and hated

~ Just L (July 8, 2019)

We Made A Match

We made a match
Had a short chat
He’s smart, stylish
And has a cat.

Cool and confident
Know I’m a catch
I put myself online
Set to be attached.

“Meet up tonight?”
Finding myself in his hood
Shared backstories and kisses
This is too good.

My heart receptive
Spirit strong and light
Breathing in the moment
Aware of fight or flight.

Open and kind
Articulate, creative
And, I kinda like him
He, too, feel the weight of?

~Just L (May 19, 2019)

Author’s Note: Simply tracking the subtle opening and closing of my heart after initiating a connection. Is the Universe conspiring to accelerate gravity? Naaah, it won’t last.

I Didn’t Even Suck In My Stomach

I saw you on the street
In passing, We embraced
“Hi Sweetheart”…
You introduced me to your “friend”
Beautiful like a tiny painting
With a limp dishrag handshake.

I greeted you full, squarely on
With my usual over-the-top energy
“So great to see you; and meet you”
I didn’t even suck in my stomach
I don’t need your approval,
Or heartache.

~ Just L (February 5, 2019)

You Didn’t See Me

When I saw you
I thought
Could we
Make a life
Together, Happily
We laughed
Shared the same heart
Missed each other
When apart
Not thinking
Our lips met
Reluctantly parting
And yet
I think
You didn’t see me.

~Just L (January 22, 2019)

When You See Someone You Used To Love And They Are A Stranger

On a pub / band crawl with friends in Vallarta, I enter the bar and have to squeeze by you as you were setting up your drums near the crowded entry door…

Wow, Kevin, You could not after two years, muster a simple, “Hello.”

Recall, I was ecstatic with my life in Oregon and having traveled/worked in 14 countries. You, Kevin, are the one who deliberately stopped the band – your band – two years ago to introduce yourself to me.

Two years later, I realize you are the dark one who requires another’s light to shine.

That makes me so sad. When I first met you, you were sparkly, with a wide smile and genuine heart. Between the two of us, we had the whole world. You broke my heart with the promise of your whole heart; all the while you deceived me.

I will never understand how one spends intimate moments, sharing deep love and vivid dreams, and yet can deny the spark that launched a thousand dreams ever happened. You must be really empty if you can spend two years loving a woman, accept every gift (not just ‘things’), and put on record that she is the angel you have been praying for, but cannot spare a second to acknowledge her. That is a sad commentary on your soul. I pray you find your way back to the musical magic that originally jumpstarted your heart.

The fact you could not acknowledge the woman you loved, the one who believed in you so much, she sacrificed her own work-life to help you realize your dreams. The positive-energy woman who led her life out loud with so much enthusiasm for living and love for you that her son and daughter-in-love carved out a special place for you at their wedding table. The faithful woman who regularly made her way across the miles to you and waited for you while you went through the Visa process. The understanding band widow. The one who kept the home fires burning hot so you could fall gently into the quiet retreat of solitude.

You greedily took it all, all the while knowing you would never be able to keep your promises. As there were others who were also this woman.

This is why I left you.

This is certainly why you have lost your manners, and your voice.

The rest will simply be the rest…

~ Just L (January 12, 2019)

Author’s Note: I write poems of love and loss. This is neither of those.

Did he deceive me from the beginning? I will never know. What I do know is the rest of my life will be as fabulous as before he entered it. As for him, all I know for sure is that lack of integrity has a way of making one miserable.