Closing In

I see you watching me
So close
Yet far away
Trying to be brave

I sense your presence
Most every day
But you don’t say

I see you smiling
From afar
Holding me at bay
Hoping I won’t go away

I sense your longing
Close to afraid
So sure I won’t stay

-Just L (March 23, 2018)

“Do not contact me”

I cannot stand to feel you
Or the love that you inspire
I must avoid emotions at all cost
I cannot afford desires
Especially of the heart
Do not dare reach out to me
For I fear kindling tenderness
You may not impress me with your lips
Or cast a spell with your skin’s scent
I will expressly not allow it
I am not afraid to confront any of this
I have not fallen too deeply
Into the well of whispering
“Love is scary, frightening…”
I am not scared of intimacy or attachment
I simply do not need what you offer
No one needs a never-ending cycle
Of “maybe this” and “perhaps that”
It leaves one too vulnerable
I feel safe hiding behind my wall
I prefer to be protected from hurt
Than risk insupportable sentiment
Besides the human heart is asymmetrical
And who needs imperfectly perfect?

~Just L (June 4, 2016)

Author’s Note: “Love is something we’re born with,” said Marianne Williamson. “Fear is something we learned here.”

Indecision becomes a decision with time

NaPoWriMo Day 9: This one sounds simple, but it can be pretty difficult. Today, I challenge you to write a poem that includes a line that you’re afraid to write. This might be because it expresses something very personal that makes you uncomfortable – either because of its content (“I always hated grandma”), or because it seems too emotional or ugly or strange (“I love you so much I would eat a cockroach for you”). Or even because it sounds too boring or expected (“You know what? I like cooking noodles and going to bed at 7 p.m.”). But it should be something that you’re genuinely a little scared to say. Happy (or if not happy, brave) writing!

April 9, 2015: LOVE
I have thrown my heart over the line
But the truth is I find
That I am having a hard time
Being with him without wanting
To have our lives completely entwined.

April 9, 2016: FEAR
We shared one heart on Valentine’s
But the truth I did find
That he’s now having a hard time
Wanting anything remotely mine
Indecision becomes a decision with time.

~Just L (April 9, 2016)