We made a match
Had a short chat
He’s smart, stylish
And has a cat.
Cool and confident
Know I’m a catch
I put myself online
Set to be attached.
“Meet up tonight?”
Finding myself in his hood
Shared backstories and kisses
This is too good.
My heart receptive
Spirit strong and light
Breathing in the moment
Aware of fight or flight.
Open and kind
And, I kinda like him
He, too, feel the weight of?
~Just L (May 19, 2019)
Author’s Note: Simply tracking the subtle opening and closing of my heart after initiating a connection. Is the Universe conspiring to accelerate gravity? Naaah, it won’t last.
Too many women I know have stood or prayerfully waited for too long, thinking that they are doing the right thing, the good thing, even the God thing: NEVER SETTLE for anything less than extraordinary. If you are not in a relationship where EVERY DAY you feel loved, ADORED, cherished, and that it is made abundantly clear by his actions that you are the best thing ever to happen to him, imperfectly perfect yet perfectly suited, a blessing, BEAUTIFUL, sexy, appreciated, AMAZING, full, sated… depending on the circumstances, fix it right now, or ruuuuun. Don’t look back at your life, your journals, the signs… and say, “OMG, I should have never accepted that and/or left that three years earlier!” Let us instead pray dangerously —wantonly, lustily, passionately— let us demand with every ounce of our strength, FREEDOM!
~ Just L (Goddess Wisdom, a re-post from January 19, 2012)
A sweet taste from December of 2015.
via A Little Longer
He doesn’t need you to fix him
But to live your life unapologetically
But grow on your own
Unconditionally love yourself first then him
He doesn’t need a mother
A savior or even a queen
Instead be his lover
His best friend
And partner in crime
Because he doesn’t need to be rescued from himself
It’s not in how much we give
How much we try to do
It’s about healing but also strength
We can’t say be a man
And then treat him like a child whose problems we step in to solve
We can’t say be a man
Yet then doubt his ability to do just that
Because he doesn’t need a manager for his life
He doesn’t need someone to tell him how to do it
But simply to take the time to do it for himself
To take the opportunity to do his own work for his own reasons, his own purpose
To find his own way apart from the desires or expectations of those around him
And to know we have confidence in him while he does just that
Regardless of where it may lead
Yet to step in and try to fix or solve
Is to take away his divine masculinity
His personal essence
And while we should always be his peace
To do that means we need to see the strength that already exists
The competence in their eyes
And the need to be the warriors of their own lives
Because the burdens in life are placed differently upon the shoulders of men
Yet often questions and doubts reign
As if we need to design the blueprint for their lives so they don’t fuck it up
As if somehow we know more
Better than they do
Yet what it seems to escape some
Is that while he’s a work in progress
He’s not your project to finish
The truth is he’s amazing just as he is
Just as you are
It’s never letting the love grow bigger than both of your independence
So it’s about being there to help
But not control
Being there to support
But not be superior
Being there to inspire
But not take over
Being there to love
But not judge
Because it’s never been about which woman makes him be his best self
But rather the woman that inspires him to become his best self for
So love on him
Let him be the man that he already is
And have the confidence in him to become the man he is destined to be.
– Kate Rose
Author’s Note: Kate Rose is an artist, free thinker, lover, writer, passionate yogi, teacher, mother, rule breaker, and rebel. I think Kate Rose is my spirit animal! I love her poetry and mindful ramblings.
Kate recently wrote to me: “Beautiful site and collection of words… stay wild in love.” I feel so honored she took the time to send me an email.
In 2016, I was inspired by her, “We Only “in Love with 3 People in Our Lifetime — Each One for a Specific Reason,” but didn’t know it was hers. Still, I am open to #3….
Though her “3 Loves” has been stolen by many as being their own, she has a book coming out in 2019 on just this topic!
And she replied,
I can, and have. I am at a very free stage in my life. I have been deeply in love and I have had my heart broken. I have spent the last year guarded, practicing my yoga, and in reflection. I have done my fair share of playing, but when pursued, a small voice keeps pushing back, and telling me to wait for that spark.
You said that our first four days felt like fourteen years – that you felt like you had known me forever. I share that feeling.
I sense that I have something, perhaps many things to learn from you. And in turn, about me.
I am, of course, still getting to know you. I believe in the law of attraction. Something deeply draws me to you. I like that you are traveled, articulate, care about your health, and are spiritual. We share a passion for music of all kinds. You are talented and passionate about what you do. Family is a priority. You have an adventurous spirit like me, and yet you are peaceful and can be comfortably present and quiet. I like that very much.
My hand fits in yours perfectly, and in your arms feels like home in the sense that I don’t have to think much at all.
~ Just L (from a simpler time, published November 25, 2018)
Are you a romantic? Watch for clues that s/he sees life through this lens, too. Sunsets, landscapes, a room with a view. Do you see the glass as half full? Your positive vibes will be wasted. Don’t choose an ungrateful. If an adventurous partner is what you desire… Find one on a journey. Not someone in front of a TV. Do you collect memories and not things? Need spontaneity? Skip the one who is always working. Believe everything is better with a soundtrack? Check out their playlist. The classic compatibility test. Do you want an individual who is generous and kind? Are they courteous toward others? If not, never mind. Be truthful if you want possessions. Find someone that can give. If not, you’ll only become passive-aggressive. Do you love to go out? This idea doesn’t excite your date? Move on, don’t pout. Do you have a deal breaker? Lay it on the line. If not, you’ll resent it in time. Long for a person who is a little freaky? Let your freak flag fly. Don’t wait to reveal your secret in week 33. Is passion important to you? This is not something you nurture. Don’t expect it to materialize in the future. Do you value authenticity? This can be someone with integrity or a liar. Be careful what you choose to see. If you wish to be genuinely adored. Witness their love in action. If the evidence isn’t clear, it likely isn’t there.
~ Just L (November 19, 2018)
How does it feel that your supposed seriously committed boyfriend was cheating on you with me until I discovered as much and broke it off with him immediately?
When you continue, long after the fact, to convince me that he loves you, flaunting headless body shots and posting mean girl memes to make your point, isn’t that queer?
He is no prize. I discarded him for good reason. Congratulations on your win.
I’d much rather be me than you, dear.
~ Just L (November 18, 2018)
Author’s Note: There is nothing poetic about this.
Confident women set healthy boundaries. They aren’t afraid to walk away when something isn’t working and the thought that they won’t be able to find better or that they will wind up alone doesn’t cross their mind. They can quickly see when a situation is damaging and will remove themselves immediately. Only insecure people put up with treatment that is unacceptable, in large part because they feel that that’s what they deserve on some level. When you learn to value yourself, you will weed out anyone who doesn’t truly value you.