After Afore

11:11 am

I step out of the shower
Conscious not to slip on the tile
I glance at the microwave
11:11, it blinks
Make a wish
If only I could go back to that grateful poem
The one I wrote in January, I think
I select a pink dry-fit dress
Put my hair in a high pony
Anti-aging eye cream in spite of the humidity

1:08 pm

The heat of the day beats down on my shoulders
The convertible top down and the wind in my hair
I am headed on a picnic with friends
Where hummingbirds linger just a little longer than elsewhere
The water tastes of Hibiscus
A trio of shrimp tacos is delicious
The scent of summer rain is heavy in the air
My friends smoke a joint and laugh without a care
I retreat to my own thoughts for a while
And mimic listening.

5:25 pm

I stare at my computer screen
Trying to calculate the extortion rate of my life and love
Or trying to write a business plan for a client
Pretty much the same thing at the moment
There is no poetry in this task
I grieve the immense loss of a place I once had
Before trust was shattered, afore I dared ask
My resilient thick skin is wearing thin
I start to cry
Must I fight vulnerability? Do I give up or give in?

8:25 pm

Right now I am thankful for the rain shower head
I wash my hair as if I am shooting a commercial
I need these 5 minutes however superficial
If I had a bathtub I’d likely sell suds swimsuits
Sauvignon Blanc meet Mr. Bubble
I meticulously shave to remove all stubble
Why do women go through this ritual?
As if I expect a suitor to knock at my door
We’re nowhere near the fun, f*ck, and eat stage
A worn out sleep T is hardly a magic elixir.

1:16 am

For the first time in many weeks I’m relaxed
Sunk deep into the goose down mattress topper
I feel both heavy and high
In that moment before falling fast asleep
When the anesthesiologist tells you to count backwards from 10
9, 8, 7….
Right before I drift to Never-never Land
I feel a cool breeze graze the fine hairs on my spine
I smile
Everything is going to be just fine.

Everything is just fine.
It always is.

~Just L (September 27, 2018)

Author’s Note: 584. Why do I still count days?

But, we didn’t get to wake up to the end of the story…

The Las Vegas shooting terrorized more than concert goers as active shooters were reported down the strip as far as Caesars Palace.

For those who say, but you weren’t at the concert (dismissing thousands of people’s terrifying experience), “Yes, but we didn’t get to wake up to the end of the story…”

Here’s my short personal account.

~Just L (October 7, 2017)

The title was a quote by my girlfriend, Kristina,

We are grateful we got to see another day. My heart breaks for the families of the 58 who didn’t.

IMG_6917
Hiding in the staff uniform room in Caesars’ basement after running for our lives.