Dignity ˈdignitē/ noun

Dignity
/ˈdignitē/ noun

1. The moment you realize that the person you cared for has nothing intellectually or spiritually to offer you, but a headache.

2. The moment you realize God had greater plans for you that don’t involve crying at night or sad.

3. The moment you stop comparing yourself to others because it undermines your worth, education and your parent’s wisdom.

4. The moment you live your dreams, not because of what it will prove or get you, but because that is all you want to do. People’s opinions don’t matter.

5. The moment you realize that no one is your enemy, except yourself.

6. The moment you realize that you can have everything you want in life. However, it takes timing, the right heart, the right actions, the right passion and a willingness to risk it all. If it is not yours, it is because you really didn’t want it, need it or God prevented it.

7. The moment you realize the ghost of your ancestors stood between you and the person you loved. They really don’t want you mucking up the family line with someone that acts anything less than honorable.

8. The moment you realize that happiness was never about getting a person. They are only a helpmate towards achieving your life mission.

9. The moment you believe that love is not about losing or winning. It is just a few moments in time, followed by an eternity of situations to grow from.

10. The moment you realize that you were always the right person. Only ignorant people walk away from greatness.

~Shannon L. Alder

He Doesn’t Need You To Fix Him

He doesn’t need you to fix him
But to live your life unapologetically
Support him
But grow on your own
Unconditionally love yourself first then him
He doesn’t need a mother
A savior or even a queen
Instead be his lover
His best friend
And partner in crime
Because he doesn’t need to be rescued from himself
It’s not in how much we give
How much we try to do
It’s about healing but also strength
We can’t say be a man
And then treat him like a child whose problems we step in to solve
We can’t say be a man
Yet then doubt his ability to do just that
Because he doesn’t need a manager for his life
He doesn’t need someone to tell him how to do it
But simply to take the time to do it for himself
To take the opportunity to do his own work for his own reasons, his own purpose
To find his own way apart from the desires or expectations of those around him
And to know we have confidence in him while he does just that
Regardless of where it may lead
Yet to step in and try to fix or solve
Is to take away his divine masculinity
His personal essence
And while we should always be his peace
His equal
To do that means we need to see the strength that already exists
The competence in their eyes
And the need to be the warriors of their own lives
Because the burdens in life are placed differently upon the shoulders of men
Yet often questions and doubts reign
As if we need to design the blueprint for their lives so they don’t fuck it up
As if somehow we know more
Better than they do
Yet what it seems to escape some
Is that while he’s a work in progress
He’s not your project to finish
The truth is he’s amazing just as he is
Just as you are
It’s never letting the love grow bigger than both of your independence
So it’s about being there to help
But not control
Being there to support
But not be superior
Being there to inspire
But not take over
Being there to love
But not judge
Because it’s never been about which woman makes him be his best self
But rather the woman that inspires him to become his best self for
So love on him
Let him be the man that he already is
And have the confidence in him to become the man he is destined to be.

Kate Rose

Author’s Note: Kate Rose is an artist, free thinker, lover, writer, passionate yogi, teacher, mother, rule breaker, and rebel. I think Kate Rose is my spirit animal! I love her poetry and mindful ramblings.

Kate recently wrote to me: “Beautiful site and collection of words… stay wild in love.” I feel so honored she took the time to send me an email.

In 2016, I was inspired by her, “We Only “in Love with 3 People in Our Lifetime — Each One for a Specific Reason,” but didn’t know it was hers. Still, I am open to #3….

Though her “3 Loves” has been stolen by many as being their own, she has a book coming out in 2019 on just this topic!

The Seven Natural Laws of Love

We cannot demand, command love anymore than we can command the moon and the stars, or the wind and rain. We can stage a seduction or mount a courtship, but the result is more likely to be infatuation, or two illusions dancing together, than love.

Love is bigger than you are. You can invite love, but you cannot dictate how, when, and where love expresses itself. You can choose to surrender to love or not, but in the end, love strikes like lightning: unpredictable and irrefutable. Love does not come with conditions, stipulations, addenda, or codes. Like the sun, love radiates independently of our fears and desires.

Love cannot be bought or sold. One can buy companionship, attention, and loyalty. You cannot make someone love you, nor can you prevent it — not for any amount of money. Love cannot be imprisoned, nor can it be legislated.

Love cannot be turned on as a reward. It cannot be turned off as a punishment. Only something else pretending to be love can be used as a lure, as a hook, for bait and switch, imitated, insinuated, but the real deal can never be delivered if it doesn’t spring freely from the heart.

This doesn’t mean that love allows destructive and abusive behaviors to go unchecked. Love speaks out for justice and protests when harm is being done. Love points out the consequences of hurting oneself or others. Love allows room for anger, grief, or pain to be expressed and released. But love does not threaten to withhold itself if it doesn’t get what it wants.

Love cares what becomes of you, because love knows that we are all interconnected. Love is inherently compassionate and empathic. Love knows that the “other” is also oneself. This is the true nature of love, and love itself can not be manipulated or restrained. Love honors the sovereignty of each soul. Love is its own law.

– Excerpted from The Seven Natural Laws of Love, by Deborah Anapol

Author’s Note: I encourage you to read her work in full.

After a while

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn…

By Veronica A. Shoffstall — A work referenced in Gene Wilder’s autobiography

“Maybe I should get a checklist”

She says that she does not look for anything particular in a man: “Maybe I should get a checklist – I’ve never had one. But love always redefines itself, doesn’t it? What really changes is that the priority in a relationship becomes fierce honesty and comfort with oneself. That becomes really sexy. As opposed to, ‘I’m going to put this mask on and pretend I’m this person.’”

Recently she bumped into a friend who had been married for 40 years. “He has a very beautiful marriage to his amazing wife, and I said, ‘How did you guys do it?’ And he said, ‘The key is we never wanted a divorce on the same day.’ That is the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.” At first I think she is joking but she is not. “It gives room to the truth,” she says.

~Laura Dern Interview by Helena de Bertodano, The Telegraph, June 15, 2014

wait until she leaves you

wait until she leaves you

when you wake up to a life
drenched in grief, limbs heavy
her scent still on your skin

the coloured-everything-and-then-left
ache of her unloving,
the absent presence of her

everywhere, every minute,
her laughter, her warmth
her throaty, brazen whispers

wait until you wake up
feeling her hands on you and then
remember she is gone

the echoing emptiness
when the once-abundant waterfall
of her love is still

and she is already far away,
her ghost left behind to haunt you
with every heartbeat

then you will know what it is
to be loved by a woman
it is then that you will weep.

~Star of David (January 13, 2016)

You may read and enjoy a decade of Star of David’s romantic poems in The Blender of Love Digest.

Fall

People fall so easily with me
Tripping on the ease
Stumbling on the words
Letting gravity pull them down, down, down
Into my arms
Open
Always open
Hoping
Waiting
Longing
And the Fallen
So thankful for the catch
They remain
They steal the warmth from my skin
Suck the words from my tongue
Take the gifts of my hips
And for a while I believe it is love
And maybe it is
Maybe it was
But I do not love by grasping
Entrapping
And so they go
Leaving as easily as they came
I do not fold my arms to force their stay
Years of falling and catching
Coming and going
Loving and losing
My arms remain open
Always open
Because someday I will know
When he chooses to stay

~Written by Laurel Ahlfeld

Author’s Note: This is a beautifully written piece published as a front page pick in the October 2010 Blender of Love Digest. It spoke to me then, and it speaks to me now and again.  I thought you might enjoy it also.

I Hope You Fall In Love Someday

I hope that someday you find someone that gives you butterflies the moment you meet them. And that the first time you touch, it feels like electricity is running through your body. I hope your first date is magical and your first kiss, earth shattering. I hope that when you’re with them, you never want to leave. I hope you are the first and last thing they think about every day.

Though catalogI hope you play it cool in front of people, but can’t keep your hands off each other in private. I hope the only thing they ever steal from you are glances and kisses. And I hope that they make you whole, instead of tearing you apart. I hope that when you give them your heart, they don’t break it. I hope you have a love worthy of a fairy tale.

I hope you take the two hand touch rule a little too literally when you play football with them and their friends. And that you hold hands under the dinner table while you down a whole bottle of wine between the two of you. I hope that when they look at you, they get lost in your eyes, and I hope that the things they tell you aren’t just things you want to hear, but things they want to say. I hope that you fit in their arms better than the last piece of a puzzle, and that you always feel safe when they hold you. I hope that when you fight, you fight hard, but that when you love, you love harder.

I hope that when you kiss, you kiss passionately. I hope that you kiss like every kiss is your last. I hope you need to breathe their air just as much as you need your heart to beat. I hope that when you dance, you don’t need music. I hope that when you’re together, the world around you is jealous. I hope that when you walk in the room, a light ignites inside them. I hope that they can’t live without you. I hope that they make it hard for you to sleep, because reality is finally better than your dreams.

I hope that you love them wholly, the good and the bad. I hope that the days you spend apart are hard, but the days you spend together make up for it. I hope that once you find them, you can’t picture your life without them. I hope that they take your breath away. I hope that, together, you create happiness. I hope that with them, you’re not afraid of the future, but excited for it. I hope that, every day, they tell you how much they love you. I hope that when you find them, you realize it before it’s too late. I hope that you take them and love them and never let them go. I hope you find it.

-Written by Lauren M. Smith (May 7, 2014)

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