We Made A Match

We made a match
Had a short chat
He’s smart, stylish
And has a cat.

Cool and confident
Know I’m a catch
I put myself online
Set to be attached.

“Meet up tonight?”
Finding myself in his hood
Shared backstories and kisses
This is too good.

My heart receptive
Spirit strong and light
Breathing in the moment
Aware of fight or flight.

Open and kind
Articulate, creative
And, I kinda like him
He, too, feel the weight of?

~Just L (May 19, 2019)

Author’s Note: Simply tracking the subtle opening and closing of my heart after initiating a connection. Is the Universe conspiring to accelerate gravity? Naaah, it won’t last.

You Wish

You were dishonest
By omission, as they say
When she is no longer the one
You want to walk slowly with
And she runs ahead…
You’ll ask, “Still friends?”
You wish.

~ Just L (February 16, 2019)

Author’s Note: When you are seeing multiple women, especially if you are intimate, and run in the same small circles, a heads up is just common courtesy, and when you have an interest in seriously pursuing another woman in particular, just say so. And, if you are serious, it might be a good idea to stop sending flirty texts or photos to others (read: me).

 

 

I Didn’t Even Suck In My Stomach

I saw you on the street
In passing, We embraced
“Hi Sweetheart”…
You introduced me to your “friend”
Beautiful like a tiny painting
With a limp dishrag handshake.

I greeted you full, squarely on
With my usual over-the-top energy
“So great to see you; and meet you”
I didn’t even suck in my stomach
I don’t need your approval,
Or heartache.

~ Just L (February 5, 2019)

You Didn’t See Me

When I saw you
I thought
Could we
Make a life
Together, Happily
We laughed
Shared the same heart
Missed each other
When apart
Not thinking
Our lips met
Reluctantly parting
And yet
I think
You didn’t see me.

~Just L (January 22, 2019)

When You See Someone You Used To Love And They Are A Stranger

On a pub / band crawl with friends in Vallarta, I enter the bar and have to squeeze by you as you were setting up your drums near the crowded entry door…

Wow, Kevin, You could not after two years, muster a simple, “Hello.”

Recall, I was ecstatic with my life in Oregon and having traveled/worked in 14 countries. You, Kevin, are the one who deliberately stopped the band – your band – two years ago to introduce yourself to me.

Two years later, I realize you are the dark one who requires another’s light to shine.

That makes me so sad. When I first met you, you were sparkly, with a wide smile and genuine heart. Between the two of us, we had the whole world. You broke my heart with the promise of your whole heart; all the while you deceived me.

I will never understand how one spends intimate moments, sharing deep love and vivid dreams, and yet can deny the spark that launched a thousand dreams ever happened. You must be really empty if you can spend two years loving a woman, accept every gift (not just ‘things’), and put on record that she is the angel you have been praying for, but cannot spare a second to acknowledge her. That is a sad commentary on your soul. I pray you find your way back to the musical magic that originally jumpstarted your heart.

The fact you could not acknowledge the woman you loved, the one who believed in you so much, she sacrificed her own work-life to help you realize your dreams. The positive-energy woman who led her life out loud with so much enthusiasm for living and love for you that her son and daughter-in-love carved out a special place for you at their wedding table. The faithful woman who regularly made her way across the miles to you and waited for you while you went through the Visa process. The understanding band widow. The one who kept the home fires burning hot so you could fall gently into the quiet retreat of solitude.

You greedily took it all, all the while knowing you would never be able to keep your promises. As there were others who were also this woman.

This is why I left you.

This is certainly why you have lost your manners, and your voice.

The rest will simply be the rest…

~ Just L (January 12, 2019)

Author’s Note: I write poems of love and loss. This is neither of those.

Did he deceive me from the beginning? I will never know. What I do know is the rest of my life will be as fabulous as before he entered it. As for him, all I know for sure is that lack of integrity has a way of making one miserable.

In 2019, I Want Someone

In 2019,

I want someone who holds my hand as tightly as they hold my heart;
And misses me desperately when we are apart.

I want someone who adores their life and family
And embraces every moment honestly.

I want someone who is silly and can laugh;
And yet willing to fight on my behalf.

I want someone who fearlessly lives with integrity;
And is open to forge a shared destiny.

I want someone who finds joy in the present;
And one whose soul is luminescent.

I want someone who wants to grow old with me
Without ever growing old, you see.

~ Just L (December 31, 2018)

Author’s Note: I want more.

love travel

This Year Went Sideways

This year went sideways
Yet I’ve never felt straighter
Survived the mistake of my life
And outshined the haters

I put off worthy suitors
Accumulated abdominal fat
Ignoring my stress levels
For one who was not all that

A talented musician
But a mediocre lover
His ‘sweet’ disposition
An intricate cover

Thrilled I’m not entangled
For a lifetime with this mess
Or have to depend on him
For anything serious

Blinded by early sparks
Red flags I ignored
Committing for too long
To one to be deplored

I entrusted my soul
To an unworthy man
Killing me softly with his song
When I should’ve ran

As 2018 comes to an end
I am so happy it’s over
Not to be entangled for life
With this free loader

~ Just L (December 22, 2018)

Author’s Note: They say the love of your life often comes after the mistake of your life. Here’s to 2019!

A Spiritual Cleansing

My threshold was honored with a Shaman

Clearing the air with white sage and prayer

Thousands of years of spiritual union and ritual

Affirming my place in the universe and my lesson.

 

The Great Spirit said:

 

Ridiculous as the Pharisees praying in the square

Stay clear of those full of themselves, yet empty

Let not fireworks or betrayal make a fool of you

Stay true to the sacred way; ignore false piety.

 

You say the sky is blue; they say it’s not

Not being true causes harm

Reading between the gaslight lines

Sickness is not an ailment, it’s an alarm!

 

Taken for granted reflects on the ungrateful

One who awakens love with pure intention

Never cajoles, connives, lies, cheats, or steals

You deserve one’s full attention.

 

Your heart eternally embraces love

Once purpose served; numbered days

Stand firm in your beliefs,

Those without a moral compass will run away.

 

Smudging changes the ions in the air

It doesn’t matter Cherokee or Christian

My ancestors are shining

Reminding me of who I am.

 

I am already feeling freer

Truth’s light pushes out darkness every time

Testing their values match their actions

I’m am open to someone with a new story line.

 

~ Just L (December 1, 2018)

I’d much rather be me than you, dear

How does it feel that your supposed seriously committed boyfriend was cheating on you with me until I discovered as much and broke it off with him immediately?

When you continue, long after the fact, to convince me that he loves you, flaunting headless body shots and posting mean girl memes to make your point, isn’t that queer?

He is no prize. I discarded him for good reason. Congratulations on your win.

I’d much rather be me than you, dear.

~ Just L (November 18, 2018)

Author’s Note: There is nothing poetic about this.

Confident women set healthy boundaries. They aren’t afraid to walk away when something isn’t working and the thought that they won’t be able to find better or that they will wind up alone doesn’t cross their mind. They can quickly see when a situation is damaging and will remove themselves immediately. Only insecure people put up with treatment that is unacceptable, in large part because they feel that that’s what they deserve on some level. When you learn to value yourself, you will weed out anyone who doesn’t truly value you.

Their Smiles Betrayed Their Reasoning

They met on a beach
Not at home but not on vacation

Talked about life, relationships, and music
Found they had much in common

Nothing at stake they were vulnerable and open
Isn’t that the way it is in the beginning?

Over the months they made plans to reunite
And did on several occasions

Super Bowl, on holiday, birthday tattoo
Made a point to connect in every season

In between, plain texts gave way to kissing emojis
Interspersed with sweetie, babe, or hun

Each time they kissed goodbye
Just a little longer lingering

Acting as if it would never work
Their smiles betrayed their reasoning

~ Just L (November 17, 2018)