She thinks I am in love with you

She thinks I am in love with you

I don’t know what she sees
Everything I do and dare
My glossy lips and bedhead hair
How I walk on air?

I don’t know what she hears
An old tape (in her head) stuck on play
International spies and hearsay
Listening to us sip cabernet?

I don’ t know her sources
We don’t share friends, clearly
Did you talk, Siri?
Does she read my poetry?

I sense how she may feel
I’m the best you ever had
I’m not angry, I’m mad
My moral compass isn’t bad

You think she knows you’re in love with me?

~Just L (May 22, 2018)

She Thought She Was Clever

She thought she was clever
Spending her life
Plotting his grief
She was never content
He found relief
Time marched on
Her heart a stone
Not understanding
Why she’s alone
She thought she was clever
Spending her life
Wishing his happiness cease
She clung to righteousness
He was at peace
Years passed by
Her bitterness grew
Why she didn’t have love
She never knew
She thought she was clever
Spending her life

~Just L (February 1, 2018)

This Will Be In My Memoirs

With you, that day in the forest
Was remarkable
Thinking aloud, I went
This will be in my memoirs

Writing as I do
Some nights are painful reminders
Of something fleeting
Penned on the page

Where emotions were raw
Because I never believed
I would feel any other way

Your voice’s intonation
Matched the sunset
Exquisite in its ability to warm
My heart

Expressive of some meaning
It’s a huge moment
To have feelings about it is more than okay

You never know how you will do
On the big stage
Chase your dreams
You’re lucky to have one
If not two

I cannot live without my dreams
And my memories are all my own
But, I know I can live without you.

~Just L (August 1, 2017)

#abouthim

After a while

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn…

By Veronica A. Shoffstall — A work referenced in Gene Wilder’s autobiography

After Math

It is cruel how my own heartbreak betrayed me for so many days. I want you. I hate you. I love you. F* you. Why me? Come back. Go away. I wasn’t ready to stop loving him. After 461 days of bliss, what went wrong? Why did he leave me that way? (February 14, 2016)

I discovered that sometimes one needs to do a lot of screaming at no one in particular before one is ready to settle into the ruin and feel the decay. After avoiding it for seven months, there finally came that day. (September 15, 2016)

At last, 276 days later, my heart feels but it’s not wrecked. I watched as he slammed back two drinks before the concert, reluctantly engaged in small talk while avoiding eye contact, and quickly made his escape. It is so obvious he is hurt but cannot afford to feel. I am so much richer. I have no need to settle. Thank you for letting me get away. (November 16, 2016)

~Just L (November 17, 2016)

Author’s Note: On 11/16/2016, I saw him at our 11/11/2014 first date location… The very same restaurant before the very same concert on both days… Only this time I had a better view. *wink*

Is it a coincidence that it took me the length of a normal pregnancy to arrive at this day?

Repulsive Forces

The pavement glistens on this rainy day

The house sparkles with the fall season

Reaching for the Chardonnay

I find you staring at me from my fridge

Months after your magnetism lost its edge

Your face is no longer pleasing.

~Just L (November 5, 2016)

Author’s Note: Rearranging refrigerator magnets and replacing photographs.