wait until she leaves you

wait until she leaves you

when you wake up to a life
drenched in grief, limbs heavy
her scent still on your skin

the coloured-everything-and-then-left
ache of her unloving,
the absent presence of her

everywhere, every minute,
her laughter, her warmth
her throaty, brazen whispers

wait until you wake up
feeling her hands on you and then
remember she is gone

the echoing emptiness
when the once-abundant waterfall
of her love is still

and she is already far away,
her ghost left behind to haunt you
with every heartbeat

then you will know what it is
to be loved by a woman
it is then that you will weep.

~Star of David (January 13, 2016)

You may read and enjoy a decade of Star of David’s romantic poems in The Blender of Love Digest.

Crossing Heartbreak

She worked, wrote, pined,
Traveled, dazzled, dined,
Laughed, drank, played,
danced, pranced, prayed,
Once she stopped she slept for days
Wept for herself at length
Regathered her strength
And reopened her heart
It’s a start…

~Just L (May 31, 2016)

#abouthim #lovelost

100 Days – A Long Time to Long

Perhaps too long….

In 2400 hours or 144,000 minutes

I’ve had approximately 500 dreams
And cried a thousand tears
My heart has beat 10,368,000 times
Still, I am yours yet you are not mine

I’ve blinked 15,360 blinks
Grown three inches of hair
Light has traveled 1,609,479,909,600 miles from the Sun
And I am entirely heart broken

In 100 days F.D.R. established a legacy
100 days of rejection therapy can make you fearless (Jia Jiang’s TED talk)
It is said if you practice anything for 100 days it becomes habit

~Just L (May 25, 2016)


It All Goes Away With You

HOW sweet your voice can be
I know
For sure. I’m going to miss
When you go
Not just a kiss
It’s all that flows
Inside my mind:

OH beautiful mother
Of Two
There are those
Among us
Who have touched
Your skin, your lips
And now realize
How precious
Your LIFE is;

(Who is not to cry
In your arms
After seeing light
In your eyes);

OH pretty lady
You stand so fine
Your body and mind
I wish I could
Steal you and fly
To lovers land

Ever since I walked
Next to you
Your dream
Has been
Coming back to me
And it’s so fine
So real
I could follow you
For a hundred years
My emotions
Have just begun
But now I close my eyes
You will be gone
So far
So close you are
Inside my heart:

(You stand alone
And steal the power
Of those who want
To be your lover)

Good Bye
My Love
It all goes
Away with YOU.

~Adrian Rodriguez (Handwritten love letter/poem by Adrian for me, Just L, August 1992)

Published in the October 2015 Blender of Love Digest

“Love Letters” are letters to or from Just L periodically pulled from the vault.

Author’s Note: It started when we met on a walk and ended when I moved from UC San Diego to the University of Oregon. He would have followed me anywhere on earth… Alas, I said “No” and he returned to Mexico City.

Piece of Cake?

I completely regret accommodating his comfort zone
I should’ve cared less about his early mornings and stayed
Left items at his place for him to trip over on the floor
Dare cooked all of the foods he said he could not eat
Held his gaze kissing under the stars, or on no particular day
Equally mad about each other, there was never any doubt
Living without him, I never wanted to learn; It was not in my plan
I looked forward to creating new traditions with him again and again
He could’ve shared what was so obvious, “I’ve been waiting for someone like you my whole life and I’m not going to let you go!”
Of course, if I must, I’d settle for his reason to graciously move on tho’
I bet the independence he has isn’t as sweet as he thought
And I hope the energy to stay mad is now just maddening
I believe giving up on true love is absolutely unfathomable
But, after this long, I am, at last, beginning to crack
So, I am getting ready
Stocking up on cake
To cure a heart ache

Girl in Cake~Just L (May 10, 2016)

(Or not.)

Author’s Note: I hope not.

#abouthim #cake

With So Many Rights How Did We Go Wrong?

From the beginning it was simply right between us.
You later told me, that after our first date, “I wanted to see you again! Right away!”
After we would part, you would text, “Yeah right? Why am I missing you already?”
Confessing, “I am quite smitten with you.”
Once upon a time I joked, “I think we may be doing this wrong”…
To which you quickly replied, “Hardly! I think we got this right!”
You made me promise that we would keep it this way.
I wanted to do right by you.
I gave you more than enough time to make things right.
But, you just wanted to be right.
And now it’s all wrong.

 ~Just L (May 3, 2016)



Tragically Broken – A Lune

heartbreakFifteen glorious months
Complete bliss and abiding adoration
Loving only you

In one moment
No rhyme, reason or explanation
Overnight you withdrew

Eleven weeks later
With me, refusing all communication
Nothing to do

~Just L (May 1, 2016)


Author’s Note: I know I love him. I know he loves me. I don’t know (as I am not a mind reader) why he doesn’t believe that the chance of being together is greater than the risk of being apart. I do know my worth and I love myself enough to know that what we allow continues. And, that is truly all I know for certain.