I do

I want fireworks
I don’t want what is expected
I want to laugh uncontrollably
At inside jokes
I don’t want to fear the fire
But become it
I want to be held close
And throw caution to the wind
I don’t care who sees
I want to run wild
Scream at the top of my lungs
From the bottom of my heart
I do.

~Just L (May 7, 2017)

A relationship is going to unfold in only one of two ways

A relationship is going to unfold in only one of two ways: it will either last forever or it will fall apart. In order to get the relationship that lasts, you have to come to terms with all the ones that didn’t. ~Just L AKA Lori Bumgardner (Goddess Wisdom, January 10, 2017)

Note: Often this means sorting feelings from fact, and correcting faulty thinking that was imprinted on you from another who was incapable of loving you. Learn to live above your feelings. Learn the difference between being liked and being valued. Your significant other should make you feel significant. The man/woman who isn’t meant to be yours will mainly find flaws in you. Don’t allow a damaged person to distort your reality. Don’t let heartbreak change you. Mistreating the next person won’t do it, neither will pretending not to want love. Get up and try again. Be open to receive love.

2016 was a brutal year…

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2016 was a brutal year;
One I could not have predicted;
I entered it with stars in my eyes;
Believing I had at last found the one to hold dear;
There upon I lost loved ones and the one I loved became a ghost;
321 days of torturous heart break (as never before);
Entirely aware I’m so sad and guarded;
Running carefree yet under the covers I wanted to hide most;
Though counting the many silly, over-the-top joyous moments;
It wasn’t a complete bust.
2017 beckons me with sweet promise;
So I’ll leave this year dancing in gold dust.
~Just L (December 29, 2016)

Published in the January 2017 Blender of Love Digest.

That Time Had Come

And that time had come to step up as a couple, or at least close friends, or fade away as was frequently done;

I was feeling confidently in control of everything I had allowed in. My guarded heart would have to be hard won.

He dared to tell me about his parents passing — the Vietnam soldier and the mother who couldn’t keep her grasp;

The Maternal grandmother who still, to this day at 91, held them all in her lap.

A dozen years later the strong men and women he and his siblings had become — caring, loyal and heart connected, overcoming their disjointed (Paternal) past;

A courageous series of small tasks that multiplied their fight to ensure true love lasts.

And after some serious exchanges and silly retorts, along with a few spontaneous snorts, he dared to tell me a secret longing he had kept inside.

I am certain he had calculated the risk: After all, I could remain hyper vigilant, or no more distant than the gift, heart open wide.

I at once felt acutely awake, comfortably present, and more than surprised. Well…

Had he tipped the scales of more shared intimacy together? Only time will tell.

~Just L (December 15, 2016)

After a while

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn…

By Veronica A. Shoffstall — A work referenced in Gene Wilder’s autobiography

In Between the Devil and the Rest of His Life

He was not where he belonged,death-dark-angel
But he couldn’t follow his heart,
His dreams would not come true,
They always fell apart.

He knew he should leave,
As the love had fled long ago,
But he’d lived so long in the dark,
Fearing the light he didn’t know.

He believed in angels and yet,
When she appeared out of thin air,
The timing inspired some debate,
Recognizing not (the answer to) his prayer.

He found peace unparalleled,
Each moment close to her,
Felt solid, familiar and intimate,
All he desired is to surrender.

He knew where he belonged at last,
In his heart he felt no strife,
But he was caught in between,
The devil and the rest of his life.

~Just L (November 8, 2016)

There is no sympathy for a woman’s life that appears swell

I find being single and dating at age 53 confusing as hell

There is no sympathy for a woman’s life that appears swell

While receiving multiple “Good morning beautiful” texts is quite sweet

I am too guarded to be swept off my feet

Tonight I treated myself to an early dinner of wine and duck confit

Meanwhile three men fight over the view at the bar where I sit

I know I am a catch, extremely smart and a striking tall beauty

Some would love to have my problem, but call me crazy

The truth is juggling multiple offers gives me high anxiety

A woman such as myself doesn’t expect anyone’s sympathy

Of course, I just wanna die with the one I love beside me*

Yet, I have no idea how to evaluate who this should be

I don’t have time to date this many suitors, but who do I tell?

So, to comfort myself, on the way home I stopped for Taco Bell.

~Just L (November 3, 2016)

Author’s Note: *
“Just wanna die with the one I love
Beside me”
is a line from “Honey Come Home” by The Head and the Heart.

Published in the December 2016 Blender of Love Digest.

You fight to defend a lover, not to win one…

Love only works when you both love each other with the same intensity. You fight to defend a lover, not to win one. If you do, it’s not love.

~ Lori Bumgardner AKA Just L (October 31, 2016)
Goddess Wisdom

Read other Quotes by Just L.

Author’s Note: Never, ever, want someone who doesn’t want you.

Someone who can’t see your innate value doesn’t deserve a place in your precious heart.

The toll it takes is devastating and can ravage your sense of self if you let it fester, instilling deep seeded feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt along the way.

When someone starts giving you excuses as to why they can’t do something what they’re really doing is telling you they don’t want to do the thing in question.

Don’t make excuses for them. Don’t waste your time.