“I hope you are prepared for the road you are on… You might want to consider repacking.” ~Lori Bumgardner AKA Just L
….It was a chilling experience and I felt beyond sad, I felt weak and nauseous. I felt what I could only describe as intense grief.
The beautiful images of us, of a future together.. all vanished. And at the risk of sounding trite, I felt a part of me evaporated along with it.
The truth is we all underestimate how much of an arresting effect our emotions have over us and our otherwise rational nature and logic.
In the words of Mike Tyson, ‘Everyone’s got a plan until someone punches them in the face.’ (A quote I would put up there along with anything that any venerable statesman, wise philosopher or beloved poet ever said.)
That’s the case with our emotions. They blind us and all of us need someone to talk us off the ledge when we are experiencing deep pain.
Relationships are great in how they can force us to grow and mature.
What does it really mean to be in a relationship? Relationships are partnerships. They’re journeys you take with another person.
Even if you meet the person you’d consider your soul mate (which isn’t a word or term that I personally use, but it is a popular concept), you still need to understand that the relationship isn’t there to make you happy – it’s there to help you grow and contribute to your partner’s growth.
On another note, there’s a lot to be said for the power of stress and changing life conditions and how it can affect a relationship. Men, especially, need to feel like they’re winners in the world, and yet they are often the least equipped to recognize and work through stress in their life with their partners. Women want to feel safe (and adored), and unfortunately, this dynamic – when one’s man withdraws – can rock you to the core.
Naked honesty and self awareness at this moment could save many relationships and magically restore initial attraction, build trust, and ensure lasting bliss together. I absolutely urge each person to consider this path rather than throwing a good relationship away because you don’t have the tools to deal with an issue in that moment. Open communication and grace go a long way.
Finally, sad as it might sound, not all relationships are meant to last forever. This is a point people will fight me on, especially people in relationships at this moment, but I’ve discovered that some relationships are meant to be steps along the journey and sometimes the growth that occurs within a relationship ends up being growth apart.
Actually, wait… one more thing… in breaking up, there’s a lot to be said for closure and resolution for both parties to move on with their lives. The end of a relationship is often heartbreaking for both involved and working through some stuff after the fact, will help both be able to pick up the pieces much more easily in your lives thereafter because of the open communication.
No one wants to feel dismissed, dishonored, be ghosted or pass each other like ghosts when you encounter each other in the future.
If you ever truly loved each other it is likely you would always have love for him/ her (unless one did something completely unforgivable that led to the break up, or you stayed in a bad situation too long allowing resentment to sink in). And part of that love means making sure each other is OK.
Even still, if two or ten years later, a tear or two rolls down your cheek, having your integrity in tact is critically important so as not to carry that baggage into the next relationship. And you don’t have to be burdened with lying to yourself about how much you did or didn’t devastate another leaving them with baggage to carry forward.
Now, carry forward in love.
~ Just L (October 28, 2016)