My Beloved:

There are two essential ingredients proven to correlate with a happy existence: “One is love. The other is finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away.”

I believe I have proven by my actions – over and over – that I love, respect and value you. I know I am a woman who deserves all of that in exchange. And I thought that I have simply by being me – a person of high integrity, sincerity, self-sufficient, and safe – allowed you / me to give / receive love with ease, openness, and vulnerability. I have counted us – our most intimate parts – and everything that covers and sustains us as sacred. I have done my very best to support and nurture you as you navigate in the world; to honor you as a man, and more importantly as “my” man; and to be a best friend who has a positive effect on your self-esteem and well-being. Though our attraction sparkles, and our many days have been filled with fun, my love for you runs deep, far beyond a fleeting romantic feeling.

From the moment you declared you were falling in love with me, I have selflessly and happily offered to you:

• Expressions of affection, both physical and emotional.
• A wish to offer you pleasure and satisfaction.
• Tenderness, compassion, and sensitivity to your needs.
• A desire for shared activities and pursuits, discovering new adventures.
• A playful partner who will forever be young in spirit and value fun.
• Concern, comfort, and outward assistance for your aspirations.
• An ongoing, honest exchange of personal feelings.
• A level of maturity that can withstand inevitable shortcomings.
• Protect your solitude, safeguarding the fragile parts of our humanity.
• A promise to extend to you an abundant amount of grace when fear, anger and hurt arises, recognizing always what is beautiful and worthy and true between us.
• A level of sharing of possessions that I expected would naturally grow over time.
• Believing in a future together, integrating you wholeheartedly into my life and family.

Have I in every instance met my own high standard perfectly? No. I have at times surely failed. Have you in every instance met my needs? No. You remain decidedly guarded. I have never deceived you or misled you in a way that would fracture your sense of reality. I have been patient and gentle with you. There is no doubt – as proven by my actions (beyond the many poetic words I have penned to you or about you) that I love you, I want you, I admire you, and I respect you. I adore you – entirely as is. I have never wavered on this.

I am a woman of faith, but I am not a fool. I have made a conscious choice to share my all with you – I am ALL IN. I have withheld nothing from you. I hope that I am not mistaken in my understanding, after all this time and shared moments, of the depth of your love for me and your commitment to me. I pray I have not misjudged you, one I believed to be a quality and courageous man of high character.

At this moment, I am bereft.  While I am not broken, my heart surely is.

You hold the key as to whether we continue to create something uniquely beautiful together or tragically break apart. Also recognize indecision becomes a decision with time.

I hope you return to love.

~Just L (written what seems like once upon a time, shared on my site June 21, 2016)

“Love Letters” are letters to or from Just L periodically pulled from the vault.